i am more like water than i realize

a lifetime of isolation has caused a sliver of ice in my heart to form
a warm, sunny disposition cooled into distrust and anxiety
crystallizing my ideas into something harsh and jagged
i watch, frozen, as carefree love and joy sparks around me

i capture the joy on a torch, and set it next to my heart
to let myself thaw, melt, and flow as i once did
but i choke on my tongue as it ties itself into a knot and
builds a dam to prevent my trickling voice from escaping its icy prison

my every effort to dislodge the dam has been in vain
maybe i'm not meant to shine as i once did
but perhaps this new approach will help the trickle turn into a steady stream
and prevent a flood of despair from building